First Day of School and the Cry Baby Mamma

Today was the first day of pre-school for my 3 year old son. We have been thinking about sending Little Man for a while but before we moved here we assumed he wouldn’t really be able to go until he was 4 or 5 years old. When we arrived we learned about several options for international schools off base. So the discussion became more urgent while we considered when he would start and where he would go.

Most Japanese schools start in April and run year round, but the one we had been considering contacted us saying there was an opening starting in January (3^rd term in Japan). Little Man has been asking to go to school for a while and even potty trained using it as an incentive. It seemed like this was the time to enter this new chapter of his life.

We drove to the school about two weeks ago to get a feel for it and make the final decision. Before entering the classroom Little Man said he was a bit nervous about going in. I reminded him that this was the time to be brave. With that, the four of us removed our shoes and entered his new classroom. Just as we thought, Little Man, and Baby Girl for that matter, quickly made themselves at home. It was the perfect fit.

One of his supplies was an emergency hood along with indoor slipper shoes. 

It wasn’t until that evening when it started to sink in that I will miss him during the day. He’ll only be going 4 days a week but since I left work we have spent very little time apart. These are selfish feelings but ones I have a hard time letting go of. Clearly I want to do what is best for my children, and this feels like the right choice. Little Man gets to spend time learning in a structured classroom, something he has wanted for a while. And I get to spend more one-on-one time with Baby Girl, something I’ve never been able to do. But letting go of my sadness has been hard. Today it was it was Little Man, but soon it will be Baby Girl leaving me. This is the first real step of having to let go of my children and allow them to have lives independent of me.

 Last night as we tucked him in to bed he started to cry. He said he was afraid no one would talk to him and wanted his old best friend to go with him. It took another 2 hours for him to settle in and finally drift off. I was thankful for the darkness in his room; it shielded my tears from him. Even my husband was moved by his pleas to stay home with me. And then like nothing happened he woke up this morning excited to start the day. Our whole family dropped him off. Little Man could barely contain himself when he entered the room and disappeared into a box of dinosaurs barely noticing us leave. At pick up he told me all about his wonderful day while finishing his leftover lunch.

Walking with daddy to the classroom. At least I waited until after drop-off to cry. 

I can’t tell you how thankful I am that Little Man enjoyed his day. Hopefully his love of school continues for at least a few more years. But I am still a little sad for myself. These feelings will go away. My inner control freak will let go at some point. Probably after I’ve shed just a few more tears. I am reminding myself this is the time to be brave, or at least pretend to be. 

Who knew time would pass so quickly.