My Life as a Military Spouse

I’m not sure who has seen this list of 35 Things that Irritate the Military Spouse on MilitarySpouse.com floating around Facebook but I know I’ve seen it several times. Just so you know, the list is accurate, or at least for me. I can relate to every one of the complaints listed in some form or fashion. Most of the people I live around understand and can commiserate with me about the lack of available jobs (would you like day care worker or waitress?), the week-long readiness exercises (seeing people in full combat gear and gas masks is totally normal), the close quarters and small community. They understand because, well, they’re all in or married to the military/DOD also. So I thought I’d share a bit about my life as a military spouse.

 

I mean, look at him. You'd give it all up too.

Admit it, you LOVE those jeans. 

I met and started dating my husband nearly 16 years ago. I was a teenager with plans on moving to NYC to spend my life on the stage. I had no intention of ever getting married or having kids. I was busy having fun and enjoying my youth. But I loved him and my life changed directions. We were married 11 years ago this May. Since we married we have dealt with a year apart while he did a “hardship” tour in Korea. Did I mention this was our first year of marriage? The military is known for not caring about that too much. Before he came home, I had to move all of our belongings to SC with the help of a couple of close friends, my mother in law and my mom. Did I mention that was my 25^th birthday?  My mom and I celebrated by eating gross Knights Inn sushi and unpacking boxes. Within a few days I was alone.

 

Our Wedding Day

Our second year of marriage was hard. We had spent a year living separately and had to get used to each other again and our new home while I worked a crap retail job and went to school. I worked another crap retail job until I was able to find a job in a call center thanks to a friend. We started trying to have a family when we discovered that I simply could not carry a pregnancy passed the 10^th week. Dealing with Tricare, miscarriages and tests is enough to make a girl want to drink and eat lots of pizza. Ah, but in the middle of all the health issues we still had to deal with the yearly season long trip to Afghanistan and Iraq. 

 

Climbing a Tower

At the end of our four years in SC in 2008, we knew we had to make a decision about our family. David volunteered for a travel job in D.C. so that we could live in a place for long enough to go through the adoption process. Once again, here we were in a new place (ok, so it was kind of cheating since we lived there before South Carolina, but still), dealing with David traveling for 1-2 weeks a month, me trying to find gainful employment, giving every extra penny we had to the adoption fund. Plans and appointments constantly had to be changed putting off the process over and over again. It was 2010 when we brought Little Man home. Then life got complicated. Travel is easy to deal with when you don’t have children or at the very least, have family to help you when you need an extra hand. Work for me became an impossibility. He enlisted and couldn’t change his job. Mine was at minimum a 2 hour commute every day. Something had to give and it ended up being my career.

 

First family photo

We decided we wanted to add to the brood so we went through the process of adopting a second child. David was a year away from completing 4 years letting us move on from the constant travel but we decided to extend in the job for another year so we could have time to be connected with baby number two. That was October of 2011; Baby Girl came home in December. But by then it was too late to cancel the extension. So we waited out our time in Maryland, making friends, going on play dates, dealing with the travel.

First photo as a family of four. Little Man was thrilled. 

And just when life felt normal and we had a support network, just when we liked our healthcare providers and the kids and I had made some close friendships, we moved to the other side of the world. We started over 6 months ago. Life is starting to feel normal for the most part. We are making new friends, Little Man is going to school, and we have a lovely little routine. Life is about to toss us another curve ball soon. David's job will change again, to what I have no idea, and I'm ok with that. 

 

Wouldn't have it any other way

Military life has offered us so many wonderful adventures, but it’s not easy. I knew going in that it wouldn’t be. Some days I’m fine with handing many of my choices over because I made that commitment when I married the love of my life. Some days I feel stifled and stuck. But if I had to do it again, I would.